High School Volleyball Forum: Coach favoritism

Replies (22)

• We all tend to think our kids are better than they really are. It's a natural bias all parents have. When I was coaching I always allowed my assistant coaches to determine where my sons played to minimize that bias. The first thing you need to do is ask yourself honestly if you are seeing this problem objectively. You might even ask your child if they have a problem with it. They might just be more objective about it than you are. Then I would talk to the other parents and see if they have the same favoritism problem you do with the coach and his son or daughter. If so, several of you should talk respectfully to the coach about the problem.

  -- Posted by Preacher Man Fan on Sun, Oct 20, 2013, at 10:39 PM
• 

  I had the same problem. Except I was the kid that was getting getting put aside for the coaches kid. In my situation, I quit. Then proceeded to never pick up a baseball bat again. And I don't regret the decision at all. Not saying at all to take my path, but I do recommend asking your kid about it. Hopefully they will be objective about situation like Preach said. I made my own decision, stuck with it, and it was what was best for me.

  -- Posted by BuckMajor on Sun, Oct 20, 2013, at 11:05 PM

• put exlatives in the coaches child's lunch the day of the game.

  -- Posted by Coach Horrell on Sun, Oct 20, 2013, at 11:45 PM

• BuckMajor: thats what I'm afraid of, my kid quitting because they think nothing will change.

  Preacher Man : how do coaches react when you speak with them about this or anything else? Do they take it out on your kid and play them even less?

  -- Posted by causeisaidso on Sun, Oct 20, 2013, at 11:54 PM

• It can be tough situation because the coach might have a different opinion about your kids skill level. Like Preach said hopefully the coach is taking the opinions of his assistants into consideration. Where did you coach Preach? It's good to have an expert opinion in here!

  -- Posted by InYourOpinion on Mon, Oct 21, 2013, at 7:25 AM

• If you are talking about a school coach then call the school and set up a meeting like you would with any other teacher. All schools have a little diferent procedure. Do not try and talk before-during-after a game. Do it at the school. If its little leugue type coach use your best judgment, they catch a lot of crap!

  -- Posted by Ftballrules on Mon, Oct 21, 2013, at 8:04 AM

• Your kid doesn't happen to play for SEMO's Men's Basketball team, does he?

  -- Posted by Champ Kind on Mon, Oct 21, 2013, at 8:26 AM

• InYourOpinion, it was just Little League and Junior Babe Ruth baseball that I coached. The only expertise I have is that I have been on both sides of this problem. Dealing with irate parents and cooky coaches!

  Causeisaidso, my experience is that when you talk to coaches in a respectful manner, they are open to what you have to say. My advice, for what it is worth, is to take another parent with you who has the same concerns you do.

  -- Posted by Preacher Man Fan on Mon, Oct 21, 2013, at 9:07 AM

• Thank you PreacherMan. Champ Kind: no !

  FTball rules: thanks.

  My biggest worry is that whatever I say the coach will maybe not 'take it out on' the kid, but bench them a little longer because they don't want parents speaking to them about their coaching. I am not a coach! but don't want to stub our (my) toes at expense of the kid.(s).

  -- Posted by causeisaidso on Mon, Oct 21, 2013, at 2:57 PM

• Most of these points are good points. The only problem is you have too much "grey" area when talking about this. How easy is it for someone to say, "hey, I'm not being treated fairly?" I have never known a coach of a school sponsored team to try and lose on purpose. Coaches play the best players that deserve to play in 99% of the cases.

  Coaches also rarely take things out on a kid. Usually what happens is when a parent doesn't get the response/result they desire, they resort to saying "well, the coach is mad at me, so he/she is taking it out on the kid.

  More than likely, the kid needs to work harder on their skills to improve. The kid should ask himself, am I doing everything I can? Just my opinion.

  -- Posted by jwhitlock on Mon, Oct 21, 2013, at 6:40 PM
• 

  I think that some coaches award young players for coming up in the program from little league to middle school to high school; it helps to create continuity. I rarely have seen "outsiders" participate in basketball in Charleston, it is usually the young people who were born and raised in Charleston, Wyatt, Wilson City, Bertrand, etc., yet there have been exceptions...

  -- Posted by STRAIGHTOUTTACHARLESTON on Mon, Oct 21, 2013, at 6:50 PM

• I agree with jwhitlock. The best thing the athelete can do is work harder improving his or her skills and be ready to show their talent when the opportunity presents itself. As I mentioned in another thread, high school atheletes have to learn to handle issues with coaches themselves, parents should only intervene in extreme cases of blatant abuse or misconduct. If the kid likes the sport enough, he or she will persist regardless of who is coaching. Another option is to get certified and hired to coach that sport. I'll bet a similiar situation will arise with some other disgruntled parent.

  -- Posted by MortCooper42 on Mon, Oct 21, 2013, at 9:11 PM

• If you can't schedule a meeting and talk with your kids coach there's a problem! Could be a matter of your kid wanting to be qb and is ol player! As long as you talk as an adult it should be fine! Who knows maybe they both equal but one gives it more in practice! As anyone with a few ( or a lot) of gray hairs you should be able to talk with anyone involved with your children! As preach said prolly a good ideal to take someone with you!

  -- Posted by Ftballrules on Mon, Oct 21, 2013, at 9:35 PM

• Preacher Man Fan

  I didn't know you were a coach.

  -- Posted by Dustin Ward on Tue, Oct 22, 2013, at 3:21 AM

• This must be a mom..??! LOL

  -- Posted by footballfan29 on Tue, Oct 22, 2013, at 6:52 AM

• Sometimes what happens in school sports is shameful.

  I lettered in 3 sports and coached baseball so I am very familiar with what the norms are.

  That said, let me give you a backstory on what happened to my own daughter.

  She has been a starting volleyball setter for 4 seasons ( 3 seasons in travel volleyball and 1 on a freshman school team, as an 8th grader ).

  Her 3 seasons as setter on her travel club resulted in:

  1) 87% career winning percentage

  2) Most tournament wins of ANY age travel team in our state, all 3 seasons

  3) Won (undefeated 12-0) the largest travel tournament in our state - a National Championship Bid Tournament

  4) Won National Championship Bids 2 of 3 seasons

  5) Defeated TWO #1 Regionally ranked teams in one season

  6) Was nationally ranked in top 50 in the US in their age group

  7) Was ranked #1 in our region

  8) Defeated a top 100 nationally ranked team 2x in one tournament, 4 sets to none. That team was on a 42 match win streak

  9) Despite losing 3 of their 6 starters to injuries, still finished #41 in nation

  10) Started as setter for school's freshman team, as an 8th grader, and finished season as the top freshman team in the county - defeated every other freshman team in our county

  Yet, when JV season came around, we learned from the JV coach that the Athletic Director and his sister (Varsity volleyball coach) had been working all summer to train the daughter of their friend (a school principal) to be a setter.

  The trouble started when the AD and his sister informed us that they couldn't locate ONLY my daughter's physical. They made her sit during 2 days of tryouts before I could get a replacement physical in their hands.

  Then, at the 1st practice after tryouts, my daughter was told by the JV coach that she would be the starting setter in a 5-1 offense.

  The very next practice, the AD pulled my daughter and the principal's daughter out of their practice to "work with them" for 15 minutes.

  The AD then told the JV coach that the principal's daughter would be the starting setter.

  I had never even heard of such a thing as an AD stepping in and deciding what players would play what positions....especially when it came to light that the girl was his friends daughter and he and his varsity coach sister had worked with her during the summer.

  I requested a meeting and was told that my daughter had a "lot of problems" with her setting skills. I reminded them that she was the same setter that won every county match the year before...etc.

  They insisted that she would sit the bench and only come in to serve for the principal's daughter (who served horribly).

  My daughter was visibly upset and said it was only because of who the girl's mother was.

  She opted to take the school season off and prepare for travel season, working 1 on 1 with a family friend who was a D1 setter. That former division 1 setter was floored that they had said her skills were weak.

  That principal's daughter led the team to zero wins, as setter. They lost their first 4 without scoring more than 6 points in any set.

  That's why travel volleyball is better than school volleyball. The teams are stronger, the competition better, and the coaches more knowledgeable.

  My daughter, who plays her heart out, was mistreated because some school officials treated a taxpayer funded volleyball team like it was their property. It was not and truthfully, they should all have been fired.....but that's not how it works with schools.

  -- Posted by FormerCoach on Fri, Aug 24, 2018, at 1:31 AM

• Wow! Brought back a thread from over 5 years ago. I don't think that's ever happened to my knowledge. You could have easily just made a new one boasting of your daughters accomplishments. I'm in no way saying what you said wasnt true, I'm sure it happens more than people think. My question is, how long ago was this? What was the point in bringing awareness to this problem on a thread that is over 5 years old? Why not just make a new one? I know it really doesn't matter but that's a lot of scrolling to go back that far. Did you ever get anything done about it? I'm honestly curious what happened with the school and coach after all this? They still active in coaching and are they local?

  -- Posted by _Cheesehead_ on Fri, Aug 24, 2018, at 2:47 AM

• >>Wow! Brought back a thread from over 5 years ago. I don't think that's ever happened to my knowledge.> You could have easily just made a new one boasting of your daughters accomplishments.

  -- Posted by FormerCoach on Sat, Sep 1, 2018, at 7:10 PM
• 

  I have never regretted just keeping my mouth shut.

  -- Posted by CoachKent on Sun, Sep 2, 2018, at 8:39 AM

• That’s because you’ve never done it Coach Ken.

  -- Posted by Dr. Acula on Sun, Sep 2, 2018, at 10:09 AM

• I’m Ken...he is Kent. Details

  -- Posted by Coachken on Mon, Sep 3, 2018, at 6:30 AM

• Playas mess up

  -- Posted by Dr. Acula on Mon, Sep 3, 2018, at 2:39 PM